To pee or not to pee

When I entered the cell that became my home for over than 8 month for the first time it took me few hours to adjust my eyes into the new (see in no light mode), than I started searching inside it. A bad smelling blanket full of bugs and other blood sucking insects was everything I found in the 1.8m length by 0.9 m width dark cage.

After couple of hours the door opened and food was thrown to me. I was very hungry but it took me three days to set myself in (eat whatever mode).
Food was not my worst nightmare, I was doing ok until I needed to pee, that very basic human need. From the dimensions of my cell it is clear that there is no toilet in it!

I knocked and knocked the door until an angry guard came to me. I told him that I need to pee, he told me to go to hell. I am already in hell but really need to pee so he reached me that I’am allowed to go to toilet one time each day and for now it is too late. They brought me after toilet time, but he added: “ You have a right to get a bucket to use as a toilet”, he brought me two buckets, one for drinking water and the other to pee.
Each of the buckets was exactly one liter so I can’t pee or drink more than 1 Liter a day. So far so good, all problems are solved.

My nose started to ignore bad smells but it failed to do so of the bucket after few days of usage. Trust me, humans can adapt to very weird situations. If it was a dog living in that cell it would stop eating and die after few days, but I’m no dog and I dream, I spent all of my time dreaming of my lovely wife, I dream of her voice, lips, smell, and touch. I dreamed of clouds, open sky, trees, river, and rocks.

Syrian government have employees at secret service jails with a job to get prisoners to and from toilets, a prisoner is allowed to spend 30 seconds in toilet everyday. Let us call those employees (the toilet men) since their mission in life is to count the seconds for prisoners while they pee than torture those who stay more than 30 seconds.

When a prisoner sign up and admission with the charges the department want him/her to admit that he/she gets an empty half liter bottle to use instead the bucket for drinking, and since I didn’t sign up I didn’t enjoy having a bottle while many other prisoners did.

Once upon a time a prisoner took a piece of metal from the door of the toilet during his 30 seconds sessions, he took it to his cell to cut his 30 seconds session, he took it to his cell to cut his own throat to end his torture, and with the end of his life my torture started again.

Toilet men (guards) searched all the cells for metal objects and when they found nothing they took all the pee buckets for no reason, so I ended up alone with my water bucket and the blanket.

I see from a small hole in the door cell in front of mine the other cell empty. They took the guy in it and executed him 9 days ago after he signed the admission, and since he did left an empty bottle behind him, I was planning to steal it when I go to toilet but there was a problem, toilet man is not allowing me to do so, he said it is not human to steal a dead man bottle. He was beating me by cable while telling me that, so instead I had the one and only human possible option: To pee and drink using the same bucket.

I was not allowed to wash the bucket when I empty it to fill it with water during my 30 seconds session.

Sorry for this disgusting details of the last few month in hell when my question was: To pee or not to pee


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